It all has been an amazing learning experience since we were first created. And we have also been cause of great troubles, turmoil, and concern to our Creator as recorded in history. He or It has gotten so ill at us that records show orders for quasi-total exterminations at times and repenting halfway afterwards for reasons I still try to figure out. Maybe the reason is that we can’t be expected to perform as designed unless were made androids instead of freethinking stinking humans. Continuing to do the same things over and over again expecting different results is a sign of insanity. The Creating Force(s?) demonstrated they could not expect us to change by force because forced change is the reason for chaos in the first place.

We needed then to become.

Remember that becoming takes a miracle?

Chaos seems to be God’s favorite hobby and He (It?) has to be the Master of Chaos or we would have perished long time ago by this seemly chaotic nature of the universe. There must be order in chaos. I have the strong feeling there is. I just can’t compute it today with my limited equipment. One day we will be able to determine the formulas. We just need to continue to add data bits to our papayas (brains) and the genetic systems will carry some of that information to our future generations.

By now, I must be content to know there is a way to capture and process quite a lot of useful data to solve our everyday challenges.

No creative system would make specie without having at hand what it takes to sustain its permanency and perpetuate its existence.

If specie sustains that means that it has what it needs. Punto.

I mean, this trip of being born and growing up and trying my best to meet other people’s expectancies… wow! How about meeting God’s expectancies? Or simply put, how about meeting all life’s expectancies (the same thing). Now we are talking big leagues. Those are King’s dreams many times displeased by my evil doings or by not knowing what to do. Because ignorance is not a reason to break the law, I must learn somehow to be able to meet most of life’s expectancies or I’ll get in trouble one day for sure. This thing about facing life’s expectancies and not been able to comply seems to be a trip into the nowhere, although it’s somewhere that we will get for sure; I just don’t know how to better my way of doing things. No one seems to know. Maybe this is God’s way of teaching us; by trial and error, otherwise He should have known better.

I ask ministers and preachers and they all tell me that by faith we are getting to places they themselves can not show or prove that exist, besides asking me to practice using my mind to create (force into RAM) visualizations of what is written in books by people who had not gotten there yet at the time they wrote those assertions. No wonder why my RAM gets so dizzy at times. I must try harder, I tell myself, without even knowing if this is the right way to do things. I keep opening doors but I just keep entering rooms with more doors to open. It’s a trip. It is all so confusing at times. Sometimes I feel I am lost…

Sometimes I also feel uprooted… but where and how did I get lost? I don’t know. Where am I supposed to be, anyway? I ask and no one seems to know for sure nor can prove they know for sure. All I hear is: “Have faith”, “visualize”…

Is the answer for my question no answer at all but a different statement and command for something else than the one I had expected for what I had asked for?

More things for me to do but the thing I really want to do hs to be kept secret from me? Am I not strong enough to survive an honest answer? Who has the power to lie to me?

(Please don’t tell me it’s you, I’m reading your mind)

Why? Dogmas are the answer to honest questions?

“Since I don’t know I’ll bullshit this guy?”

“Hell, I don’t want him to know I don’t know, he’ll tell everyone in town.” ”Hmmmm let me see… ok this is what I’ll tell this sucker, it don’t have to do with what he asked about, but what the hell, tomorrow neither he or me will remember this moment anyway.”

I can get dogmatic too. Let’s see… I love fishing. A man cometh to my boat and asks: “Where can I get the biggest fish?” I don’t know the waters because I am new to the place but reply to him: “Thou shall not look for the biggest fish but search instead for that place where your heart feels is deepest” … the man looks at me with glazed eyes and says back to me: “May your days of glory cometh with tons of fish your ways, for you have reminded me of my physics class where gravity tends to sink deeper the heaviest objects on a liquid”. I repost: “And the lighter baitfish will try to stay away from them by skimming in water so shallow the big fish would get stuck if they would try to follow, the mid size fish will try to eat the baitfish first, the big fish will try to get the middle size ones and that completes the food chain”.

The good visitor finally exhales: ”Ahhhhh, then it will be better if I just go to the fish market, where the big fish layeth ready and clean for me to buy and take home”.

I have to smile now and affirm: “Yep, there is where I got my fish yesterday after fishing here all day with no luck at all.”

Where is the dogma here? It’s in the “best place to find fish” answer I gave the sucker. He eventually had to figure it by himself. But I showed my higher intelligence, of course. Or so I thought I did, for in reality, “toro caca” (bullshit) don’t work for fishermen or much less for seasoned Christians. This is just an example on silliness but many other real cases of “ignorance abuse” keep damaging the playgrounds humanity.

I see those well-intended servants of humanity every week calling for those with a pure heart to pass forward and receive salvation, wisdom, and understanding.

It is no wonder to me now why it took so long for me to pass forward and accept salvation.

I never had a consciously honest and pure heart before.

To be honest, I still don’t know if I have such a thing.

Am I becoming another person or simply growing up…?

Be my guest. I am a writer and not a theorist.

A miracle is something that looks supernatural and happens with no scientific proof or explanation.

If that supernatural happening is the result of prayer we can call it a miracle and be grateful forever.

If something happens and we did not ask for it then it is just a happening or maybe a miracle in disguise.

Next thing to happen will be a miracle.

It will be your next heartbeat.

If we can’t call our heart beats constant miracles, then it is time to revise our knowledge about electrical connections.

Those Desires Of The heart

We seem to be connected to the Magical Power of the Cosmos, The Force, The Source of Energy, The Fabric of the Universe, The Universe Itself, and The Unseen I Am.

Maybe we are just part of That Great Being Itself.

Dreams are free no? Ok, sometimes they are.

Reality is only our very personal perception of reality.

Our perceptions don’t make anything more real than what it already is, what it should be, what it should not be, or it isn’t. Reality is what it is. Punto. Not what we think it is.

We seem to “gravitate” towards what we desire most at any single time in life. I feel like gravitating now to the kitchen and make myself a sandwich. I’ll come back in a while to continue this topic. See? First I was all engaged with you in the topics of desires, then all of a sudden, hunger strikes and I now desire a sandwich because it is 4:45am and it’s too late to broil lobsters and steaks. Next I desire again to return to you and continue our topic on desires.

We constantly change what we desire most.

We always get first “Those Desires Of The heart”.

Then what we “prioritize” as “seconds” comes next.

Example: A guy meets a girl, she is pretty as a doll but she ignores the poor soul. No pheromones, I guess.

This guy now turns to his side and notices a next girl not as pretty as the first but what the hell, she’s all smiles with the boy and that is what it counts at the time to perpetuate the specie. The laws of seconds come into play. Had the guy in his heart a true desire for the first girl? Nop! This guy had in his heart to meet a girl. Any girl would do, except the ugliest bitch, of course, and then when sometimes there is nothing else at hand, sin arrives. That would be the law of thirds.

Sometimes we desire things that hurt us and we seem to get them fast. Then if we believe we must be punished we start to gravitate towards that too.

We must be careful for what we pray for because we might get it. Worry works like prayer so be careful about what you worry about.

A prayer starts out as a conversation with our own mind…

A prayer then becomes a conversation with our Maker.

We direct our spiritual energy to retain what we ask for. Then, the temporary Direct Front Line Memory modules called BRAIN RAM for a short time (for as long as we keep pushing the initial thoughts by brute force) retain those impulses and commands until our permanent memory systems “burn” those data bits all over our brain base and cortex. Once in permanent memory, some of those data bits also contain special commands to self execute over and over, much like a computer virus is written and put to work. (computer viruses are not diseases)(a virus is a program for a computer to execute an action) RAM picks up those self-executing commands and keep invoking whatever forces are available for the accomplishment of a goal, any goal we can think of.

It is just a matter of time now… For one thing or the other.

A seed for a miracle is planted. By brute force, if we must; just do not pray louder and louder until your neighbors have to call police, the fire trucks, or your favorite ambulance...

The best prayer is done in complete solitude.

Once we cause “vibrations in the universe with a prayer”, history will never be the same again.

The spoken word causes those magical vibrations that reach the outer limits of the cosmos.

A seed for a miracle was planted. By brute force, if we must. Now it must “die” and grow. Paradox? Nop.

This is literal, dude, believe it or not.

This way, prayers seem to run in the background like a computer server service. We might think we forgot all about the prayer or even the desired goal, but that prayer is still going out there at top speed.

One day we receive what we prayed for and we wonder… we start to wonder a lot….

Now “time” is the ocean of our navigating vessels.

The islands are our goals. Whatever fun we can have while in those islands is the pleasure we feel when we find we belong (we always did) in the miracle world. We don’t feel spiritual or social rejection that day, but total elation.

And we feel grateful to the Power that brought us the miracle prayed for.

If it weren’t for the self-executing virtues of our mind we would quickly forget all we pray for.

See? It’s the mind what we are talking about in here. This is nothing about religion at all or I would have never used such an abrupt language.

We fix our minds first, and then all scriptures will happen as expected.

Why? Do I really have to tell you? Ok…

It’s in the mind where all originates, including our perceptions about religion, faith, and God.

And God will go along the free will of most men.

The desires of those people affected are to be respected too. Ignorance doesn’t count. Ignorance is not a reason to break the law. God does not want people to break the law.

God expects education to prepare people for Him.

I was so affected for so many years that my perceptions of reality were as crooked and hard as an oak.

I had to come to terms with reality before I even tried once more to open the waters of the Atlantic Sea with my bare hands. Today I don’t even dare to try that (while sober).

Come on, let’s get real now and start to get all we need in our hearts (RAM). It’s ok to change hearts. We all do. But at least we will do it from now on knowing it and not out of pure ignorance.

To get miracles (Get our way around) or to learn a new song (the same effort and routine):

We only have to constantly repeat what we want until we feel whatever we prayed for “sank” deep into our permanent memory systems. Just like a song.

(Hey, not just part, it’s the complete song, start to end, ok?)

How do we know if it did sink deep in memory?

If it surfaces back and forth like a buoy in the sea, the prayer and or the need is self-executing over and over like it should do. When we stop and test our memory and the complete file arrives in vision, and then it is in permanent memory and should keep self-executing until all forces make true whatever they wrote long time ago for us to do.

Remember that together where the need-data resides, there also goes the prayer-data too, which is equivalent to a common self-executing computer command. This is also a good test of our memory systems. We must constantly practice “desiring” in order to keep in shape those memory modules, because if we don’t “hard desire” something constantly is it then changed like a CD mp3 (song) in the “Play Order” of the mind, for the next stronger wish.

I begged a friend…

A friend of mine happened to be a minister.

He always used to call all those with a pure heart to pass forward and accept salvation.

Many passed forward while I stayed behind in my bench admiring the ones with the pure heart and just wishing the Lord would come to me and heal

some hurt I had so bad no doctor could heal it.

But I did not have a pure heart by then. I still don’t have it.

I did not even wanted salvation by then. I was an honest sinner.

I only needed the Lord to heal my hurt, can’t you see?

I begged that friend of mine, who also was a minister,

to ask next time while in church,

for the un-pure of heart to also pass forward for salvation and healing.

Most of the pure heart congregation used to go first and fill the whole altar while a sinner like me felt so unworthy that fear and humiliation did not allowed my mind nor my body to want to go forward for prayer healing or salvation.

As a matter of fact, even getting close to a church used to make me very nervous and wanting to leave the area. Sometimes I had to leave in mid-service just to calm my nerves.

I think I was being honest by doing that. Honest to my perception of reality then.

My perceptions were so distorted I could not tell any difference, but they were all vibrating inside me with such a force that made me tremble and sweat if I stayed put.

People used to hurt me by making me stay at times against my will.

I humbly asked my friend the minister to please place a call to all the sinners to pass forward and to “try” to accept salvation, for if he did call the sinners, I would be the first one to go forward that night. That Pastor looked at me

in a way I still remember.

He did called the sinners; I passed forward, and got a miracle.

A bad burn in my arm disappeared that night.

Caught in a rip tide to eternity?

Our last days start today…

Things about feeding tubes will not be featured in here partly because of the recent historic showdown of the Terri Schiavo’s Trilogy with husband, parents and government. The world has watched her die of slow starvation and thirst and I will honor the cause and hope we are smart enough not to have allowed ourselves into such a deadly situation, and if we do find ourselves in a situation like her’s, then the recommendation is to die fast or suffer slow, your choice.

Please Remember To Write a Living Will.

Do you happen to know what a Living Will Is All About?

If you know about Living Wills, please skip next lines.

If you don’t know how to deal with a Living Will, then it is time for thou to either visit your lawyer or do a search in http://www.google.com in the Internet.

These guys at google are incredible.

Google Internet Search Engine will bring many choices to your desktop about just any topic you can think about.

And in addition, Google will bring you the latest information of all related things in advertising form so you can have a complete fiesta searching the greatest search engine in the world; Google of course.

By the way, Google is the best informational choice of Internet professionals, corporates, and gurus, of course.

At a much earlier date and time in my life, feeding tubes were not the only approved channel of reception for the life saving Ensure Plus® nutrition for cancer patients. Then I got sick with cancer and the whole thing changed, of course. Now Health Care would not pay for feeding if it was not fed via stomach feeding tubes like the ones Terri Schiavo had attached to her and removes many times to her, and also to the whole nation’s consternation. Of course, the doctors, to help me, asked me if I wanted a feeding tube inserted in my stomach. I said, still with a faint voice product of radiation burns, “Fffuckk youu.”

As I did not need (wanted) the tube, Medicaid did not cover the costs for that life supporting Ensure Plus® and I was denied of its marvels. I was told to blend shit in my Osterizer and I would get the same nutritional supplements of the multimillion-dollar enterprise. In other words, fuck what Ensure people say and you just fucking die if you can’t afford to pay 3/4 of your disability pension simply because we won’t. That translates to: Your life isn’t worth shit to us. It’s easier to say, it’s merciful to kill the disabled than to spend money in recovery or final disposition when and if it happens. Amen.

May God have her in His Glory.

I am not a judge. I am just reporting in real time what fucks the body and mind of millions like me who happen to think we are somebody and end up in the gutters at test times.

She was brave. Or was she?

I’m still talking about Terri Schiavo, of course.

She endured all her torture days without a squeal.

Not once. Not twice. God know how many times was she tortured with deathblows. And she endured them all.

She had to be killed or she would have lived forever to teach us a lesson of dignity and endurance. But you know what? Terri is just the beginning of more to come.

Terri might become a precedent already planned by monsters of the new age.

I will not comment on this any more.

History will be the best resource about Terri Schiavo.

I have no idea if Terri was ingesting EnsurePlus® or not via her feeding tube.

I was fucking needing EnsurePlus® too and I did not received the legally prescribed life support nutrition either no matter how may letters and bull shit I wrote to all related powers. I got letters back explaining how the system works but that helped me as it helped Terri Schiavo.

Terri is not completely gone, my friends, Terri is alive and going through all disabled people who can still write and bring to the light the many things we must endure in order to meet ends and sometimes we don’t even meet ends at all.

Those corporate and private souls with flags at mid mast, lift them again to the topmost where Terri can see all of us saying: “We are proud of you because you will be the best symbol of freedom and power for the disabled community of all the world.”

No civil revolution, now.

Remember that this is just a movie. Ok?

All political changes must be done at elections time.

Let’s find who the candidates are first.

If they go for helping the disabled community, then go ahead and make them worth of office.

Shutting down trillion dollar monsters like Social Security, SSI, Medicare/Medicaid can help many disabled people, the national budget, and our quality of life as well…

The Americans Disabled and Retired Agency of America.

ADR is the solution…(Julio Quiñones, who else?)

Remember: “Only Those Who Have Can Give… “. (winflyer-1996)

The ones with no power, goodwill, or no time for the disabled are not worth of having our vote.

Disabled Americans and families are 50 million voters.

You want to be a candidate for presidency?

Better check this out. Why?

The Americans Disabled gave their best years to build this great nation of The United States of America.

The disabled people need the minimum cost of life at their place of residence in order to meet their needs.

The minimum cost of life in Florida is $2,500,00 a month, with no savings, no bullshit, no entertainment at all.

No way can the Social Security and SSI’s $575.00 a month can help a disabled American to survive without breaking a single law and covering for basic needs.

The system makes quite a lot of money from us disabled Americans. Don’t they?

The system gets back Taxes from Utilities, Sales Tax of all, and fines. And we all are in the system computers, with no way to escape.

I mean, folks, this is America. I am a disabled American as good as they come, almost as good as Terri Schiavo. Let all disabled Americans have their minimum cost of life at their place of residence, that way we can pay for our own expenses of life.

No need to keep a Social Security system that doesn’t work. This financial help to the disabled and retired must be a true to God help from the same system we worked for; The USA.

The Great Nation of the United States of America,

Amen.

I propose the name for such a monster agency that replaces the Social Security and SSI:

“The Agency for the Americans Disabled and Retired people, or ADR.

ADR would cost less that a few days of war in distant places. I know we must be at war overseas in order to protect our country but protecting our country also means taking care of the ones that got disabled while at work, and while protecting or building this country, the best country there ever is and the one who should take care of its own people first.

Be it your friend, your mother, father or brother, Social Security is not the correct math formulation for someone who gave his life to help this noble and blessed country of the United States of America.

Shut down the Social Security system and SSI and pay back what is more than fair to those who are weak, suffer, and are in no position to raise a family under a disability.

Give the Minimum Cost of Life at Their Place of Residence To All Americans Disabled and Retired People.

Is the Minimum Cost of Life at the place of residence the only way to help a disabled person to meet the real

day-to-day needs in our present day community?

Yes it is! The only way!

$2,500.00

a month

is the

Minimum Cost of Life

in the State of Florida.

Shutting down trillion dollar monsters like Social Security, SSI, Medicare/Medicaid can help many disabled people, the national budget, and our quality of life as well.

It would cost less than some days of war in distant nations. Make war and help the fucking disabled, but do something about it or accept the reality of our present system. If you still do accept the way we are now, I will stop this bullshit. I Promise to go to Bahamas or Puerto Rico in a big fucking boat and fish until I expire of alcoholic death.

You don’t care I can’t care.

I am not Mahatma Gandhi or Luther King; hell I can’t even pay my printer’s ink at times. Fuck that shit.

Of course that Ensure Plus® can be taken by mouth and it is very yummy good but to complicate things and add to health care costs, the tube requirement always became an impediment for cancer patients. “If you go to a doctor and he opens your stomach and inserts a feeding tube, Medicaid will pay for your Ensure”, I was told. “Thank you but I will mash my potatoes, hamburgers and soft tacos with guacamole in the blender.” (Read: fuck you, bitch).

If for a prescription that is already a valid prescription to use, the system can stop the service of that prescription unless another doctor makes another billing by inserting tubes, and those tubes could be removed at pleasure of the system anytime thereafter, then the tube insertion, supervision, removal, re-insertions and billings is the unnecessary expense health care systems must cut, not the nutrient, dude!

If the intention here is to distribute the total funds of the health care systems within the total amount of healing arts specialists then the result is a market approach and the patients are not prioritized.

If the used car dealer intention is to distribute additional amounts of the buyer’s money to his mechanic friends maybe with hopes to get a commission, then the client is not been treated properly.

What not to do…

Go to elections aging gracefully, on crack,

hallucinating enough to forget who you was going to vote for.

Present history is well documented with this shit.

What’s Good To Do…

For America’s Good

and for your family’s sake,

only choose presidential candidates

that promises

To Give

The Minimum Cost of Life

(MCL)

at their place of residence

to all the

Americans Disabled and Retired.

Jesus

and

Mother Theresa

would have wanted that

why can’t we?

A Funky Evil Eyed Doctor…

In another occasion when my “inner voices” helped me to save my butt, I found myself making a “required” visit to an oncologist. Someone along my many health care appointed healing arts specialists had referred me to take “advanced” cancer treatment with this funky evil eyed doctor and that alone had gotten me all worried and fuzzed up. On arrival to this new doctor’s clinic, the oncologist told me to stretch my arms so he could inject a conduit for chemotherapy and I almost did stretched my arms to him like an obedient robot (The feeding tube story again). Thanks God, something from within (my inner voices) rose to the upper cranium and “told” me to call my radiation center first and ask for counseling and directions. I told you those inner voices come out like screaming bitches in times of danger. I don’t know why they don’t talk to me all the time or at least why they don’t tell me the lottery price numbers in advance.

But no, they are bitches, I ‘told ‘ya.

The radiation center told me that my type of head and neck cancer statistically did not responded to chemotherapy and recommended me to get the hell out of that doctor’s office as soon as I could.

Of course I told the oncologist I was leaving and he got mad at me and told me that only he, knew about what he was doing. I bet Medicaid doesn’t know what he knows either. A report got me nowhere but to anger management.

I looked around and saw about 15 patients all connected to tubes of chemo and wondered how many had died on the hands of that medical practitioner of evil eyes.

Oncology doctors make mucho dinero per chemotherapy treatment, patients needing it or not.

No wonder the Health Care System is always in financial trouble. More funds are going to providers than to patient’s benefits. Social Security pays $35,000.00 a year to an employee that will handle a $575.00 monthly check to a cancer patient. Is this crazy or what?

Want it crazier? Then the system also pays another $40,000.00 to a supervisor to supervise if the $35,000.00 employee actually gave the disabled sucker the $575.00 monthly check.

The disabled sucker is then denied EnsurePlus® life support milk because the system has not enough funds to supply life support nutrients unless another medical health provider bills to insert a stomach feeding tube into a patient that can drink and save the system lots of money.

Hey, if you voted for this to happen, then take it now and don’t complain if they remove the feeding tubes from your mother. If you did not voted for this to happen then call your senate and raise hell if you must so your mother doesn’t have to die unnecessarily.

Another reason to make this book is because I asked my mind if I should or should not write this book and my stupid mind simply decided to keep silent, completely ignoring my humble prayers for answers and guidance.

My mind is not completely gone; it just works when it wants. Show a real danger and see how fast my inner voices come out like a bunch of screaming bitches.

Not medically biased…

This book has no medical or bio-technical inclinations because I am neither a scientist nor a smart-ass bio-genetics-engineer. This is not a “to do” book either. It might say To Do somewhere around here but be advised to fucking choose to do or not to do on your own thinking because I am not an adviser. If you need further advice then find yourself one good doctor that does not have evil eyes and that does not resembles my evil eyed doctor and God bless afterwards. I am just reporting true facts and events. Got it?

There is nothing we can do to stop the aging process at this time and date.

Aging gracefully has nothing to do with memory loss or the ability to visualize concepts, compose a song, write a poem or clean your ass really good while at the toilet. Of course, dementia exists but a demented person will probably eat this book and not read it up to here like you. If you are still reading, you are not demented. Maybe a little bit fucked up in the upper rooms of the mind but that’s ok. I am like that too and I don’t complain too much. Ain’t we all?

This book is intended to reach only those who still posses enough integrity of mind and spirit, who can dispense of hypocrite literature establishments for a while, while engaging in a reality trip, so I can share with them all the shitty things we aging people must go through in life, since the day we are born up to the last beep of a funky electrocardiogram.

Please don’t call this book a manual on aging gracefully.

This book is more that just a manual.

This book is a journal into honest to god real time shit.

I mean, aging gracefully is just a way to properly dispose of the garbage of our rotting bodies, for the spirit (energy) can never be destroyed. Energy can only be transferred.

Transferring energy into something else is the work of God and only He seems to work through people while we are here, and through Eternal Laws while we are on our way into the nowhere, or into the everywhere, depending on the price we paid for our travel ticket into eternity.

Of course, there are books that say sometimes we are given travel tickets to eternity for free, but this remains at the complete discretion of the Giver.

Call that mercy.

Of me alone I am nothing … shall I resume.

With the wisdom and power of The Force acting through people, maybe I can do things I could not do otherwise.

Is there ample time for testing all these theorems if we must?

I don’t have too much time available in my calendar.

I must go fishing today after my last par at the golf course.

Is your calendar also on the heavy side like mine?

The only time I have left is to keep learning how to better flush my ram memory

so those fucking cars in the highways don’t kill me before time.

Check this cancer calendar:

Day One:

A swollen thing appears in the neck of a patient that still doesn’t know he is a cancer patient yet. He goes to the family doctor, his primary Health provider. The good family doctor tells this patient that doesn’t know he is a cancer patient that he got cancer but he needs further tests and a surgery sometime after. The patient now knows he’s a cancer patient. This man goes to find help from all kinds of hospitals and clinics in the area where he lives, including areas outside his residential place. All clinics and hospitals require close to $50,000.00 to see this man. This man was denied medical treatment for cancer right in the 21 first Century! Even medical facilities that had big signs saying that they must provide medical services for the indigent denied medical services unless the patient gave money that patient did not had. One year after his diagnosis the man goes to surgery. Only a miracle will save him. I am that man. I got the miracle. That qualifies me to report it here.

Trading goodies…

I have traded youth and girls for a plateful of computers, research and literature only because I just learned I have started to age gracefully and no one wants to go out with me unless I pay a lot for the burden of having to be with an aging person. In other words, I am learning to trade better.

I might not be a lot happier but I am gaining wisdom and that satisfies me while I find someone compatible to my new realities instead of continuing my eternal search for “that” girl that resembles Sandra Bullock or Brook Fields.

Not that I have given up voluntarily my desires for the beautiful things of life, its just that I am rearranging the place (not the time) where I meet those realities.

My calendar gets more flexible each day as I continue to age gracefully. I can say now “thou shall not worry” much easier than before, even if deep inside I still hear that little voice screaming back at me: “fuck you”.

In other words, I am learning not to pay attention too much to those little demons now.

I am still learning the way they operate and recognizing them for their face value as they present themselves to me.

“He that conquers himself has conquered the world”.

There will still be “hidden screamers” inside my brain but the more I learn about them, the better I can maneuver my life and better put my shit together.

Before, in yonder years, it was all freewheeling and cool.

The first symptoms of entering elderly stages are non-free dating and pay per view sex.

I have no training whatsoever into the arts of getting old, and believe me, no idea on how to die either.

I just report what I go through day by day and will try not to analyze or judge life, God, Satan or no one else because this time, dude, it’s only me (you’re not?) getting old while watching a new generation having rum, beer, fun and sex and never paying for it rather but always at my (our) expense now. Some is Tax deducible, some not.

This is really a new humbling experience available for the first time in paperback and almost in real time as it happens right in front of my eyes (and pockets).

For this reason, I must avoid Shakespearean and Freudian’s ways of saying things for the benefit of those many hard working people like you and me who could easily get sidetracked by jesters and polite diplomats talking shit to aging patients.

If you think you will feel offended by some honest to earth street talk, then you better pay a shrink and forget my well intentioned advices, but make no mistake either; I will not go back to school just to satisfy a literature fan or selfish soul when I could be doing the same thing for my own benefit. This book is not about history or literature anyway. It is about getting fucked up big time by space and time, and with no ways to stop the aging process.

I do intend to write out of my heart and just report my findings in actual Common-Law Legal Street Talk language unless you want to buy an edited version, of course. It might not make the same sense as this unabridged politely incorrect beauty, but it could get you started in this funky business of aging gracefully.

100

If you have survived this book up to this point…

Then, bear with me, please; for thy days might

cometh bright and with wisdom to care for self

and others as well.

My doctor is a diplomat…

My doctor’s sometimes too sublime, careful, cheerful, and diplomatic language kept me for too long into wrongly believing I was still in the right mind tracks and also believing he was all wrong when he could have just told me that all my symptoms pointed to the simple fact that I was becoming an old fart.

Now I feel like a stupid and angry realist who by chance started to get old and I tell you, dude, it really sucks.

But when do we know if we are getting so old that ourselves can’t tell gray from blonde but everyone else can? And then, why don’t they tell us even when we ask?

How can we tell we are getting old?

How come everyone else knows we are either getting old or crazy except us?

Why, can’t we accept getting fucking old?

Lack of Basic Honesty 101?

Is that it?

Or is it fear of been rejected?

By who, I mean who can reject such pretty creatures of destiny like us? Only twenty-year-old bitches, of course.

Grrrrr, that bothers me like hell cometh now.

Even blondes might reject us too, we think...